What Goes Around
by SugaKane01
Summary: Derek and Spencer are together, but is their love strong enough to survive when insecurity and infidelity come into play? And will the BAU survive when temptation comes in the form of a team member? This is Reid/Morgan Slash. ON INDEFINITE HIATUS
1. Breakin Dishes

A/N: This fic is what happens when I sit down at my comp with no notes, no outline and no clue what I'm going to write lol. Also this fic is what happens when I see video of MGG and Shemar Moore kissing AND hear that AJ Cook is coming back! I fangirl'd so hard...I think I broke something LOL. There are some moments of OOC in the fic but hopefully its not too crack ficcy. OOH..spell check says ficcy isn't a word. I disagree.

**Chapter One: Breakin' Dishes**

His clothes littering the front lawn tipped Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan off to enter the townhouse with caution. His slow turn of the knob and cautious stepping through of the door were rewarded when a thrown vase barely missed his head, collided with the door jamb and shattered into a million jagged shards. Derek reflexively reached for his gun, and then realized that it was his boyfriend of two years, Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid, who had thrown the vase.

Spencer was standing in the middle of their living room, doe eyes red rimmed and wide with fury, chest heaving, milky skin flushed pink, and his normally angelic face contorted with barely restrained rage and hurt. He had picked up a photograph of the two of them from the mantle and looked ready to take aim at Derek again.

"Spencer! What the hell man? What the fuck is wrong with you!" Derek yelled, alarmed at both the sight of his lover and the state of their home. Pictures were broken, furniture was overturned, and the rest of Derek's clothes seemed to have been dragged out of the bedroom, stuffed into the fireplace and _set on fire. _

Spencer's lips curled into a derisive sneer. "What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't know Derek! Why don't you tell me? What could possibly be wrong with me?" He screamed before hurling the photo at Derek.

Derek ducked and the photo exploded against the wall behind him. "Spencer! You throw one more thing at me man and-"

"And what Derek?" Spencer demanded, picking up another photograph of him and Derek from the mantelpiece. "What can you do that you haven't already done? I don't know who you think you are, but if you thought you could away with this you obviously don't know me as well as you think you do!" Spencer yelled, throwing the picture.

This time he connected, and had Derek not covered his head in defense he would have had a rather nasty head wound.

"God damn it, Spencer! That's it!" Derek growled, quickly crossing the living room and attempting to physically restrain Spencer. "Hold still, damn it!" He snapped as he struggled to get a hold of his boyfriend. "I swear to God, Spencer I don't want to hurt you but I'm two seconds away from knocking your ass out."

"Go ahead!" Spencer screamed. "It's not like you could hurt me any worse than you already have, you son of a bitch! I hate you, I hate you, you're the worst thing that ever happened to me, I wish I'd never met you-"Spencer screamed and struggled to break free, landing a solid punch to Derek's jaw.

Derek had been trying not to hurt Spencer but the punch was the last straw. He didn't know what had happened and he didn't care. The last thing the two FBI agents needed was for one of the neighbors to call the cops. _I'm so done with this shit_, Derek thought to himself as he half dragged, half carried Spencer over to the couch. He unceremoniously dumped him on the sofa, pinning him to the leather cushions, with his solid, muscular frame. Derek wrenched Spencer's arms above his head and used his body weight to keep the lithe young man restrained underneath him and put his face inches from Spencer's. "Now, I don't know what the fuck is going on with you Spencer, but you better damn well start explaining." Derek seethed.

"_I _need to explain?" Spencer spat. "Are you really going to sit there and pretend you don't know what this is about? Did you think I'd never find out? Did you really think you'd get away with this? Are you really going to sit here and deny it?"

"Deny WHAT?" Derek half asked, half demanded, although he now had a sinking feeling he knew exactly what Spencer was upset about.

"That you're a lying, cheating, no good BASTARD!" Spencer screamed, twisting and bucking frantically, trying to get Derek off of him.

_Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, holy fuck oh shit, _Derek thought. He knew, somehow Spencer had found out about Detective Tina Lopez.

Two weeks ago, Derek had flown down to Miami to provide testimony in the Steven Fitzgerald case. Fitzgerald had struck a deal with the state and his attorney had subpoenaed Derek to testify about Steven's mental and emotional state at the time of his arrest in an attempt to justify their requested sentence of life in prison with the possibility of parole after 35 years. After his testimony, Tina, who had offered to "show Derek the real South Beach" the last time he'd been in Miami reiterated her offer and Derek, who had been put in a foul mood by David's Fitzgerald, Steven's father, testimony in which he claimed Steven's homosexuality warranted the physical abuse he had put his son through and that he had done nothing wrong, took her up on it.

A few hours, a club crawl and copious amounts of alcohol later had found Derek in his hotel room, and Tina on her knees, as she made good on her earlier promise to "take care of him." Derek had flown home the next day, guilt ridden and determined to put the indiscretion behind him. But somehow Spencer had found out and Derek was now watching his entire world crumble around him.

Derek tightened his hold on Spencer and attempted to explain the unexplainable. "Baby, Spencer-"

"She called Derek." Spencer cut him off. "She called here and thought I was your fucking roommate! Do you know what that felt like? She's going on and on about the _great_ time you two had in Miami and how she _can't wait_ to do it again and giving me messages to pass on to you like I'm your god damn secretary and," Spencer stopped mid rant, went stock still, squeezed his eyes shut and whispered, "just go. Get out. Just please go." It seemed like a switch had been flipped. Spencer had gone from sixty to zero in half a second. Derek was worried; an angry Spencer he still had a chance with, one that was shut down and focused on his emotional self preservation, Derek was no match for.

"Spencer-"

"I knew." Spencer whispered. "You were so different that first night when you got home. So quiet. I knew it was more than the case. You…you barely touched me…and then the next day you were just so…agreeable," Spencer gave a small laugh, "You didn't even make fun of me for asking for a fork when we went to the Golden Dragon. And that night…the way you were in bed…I knew. I didn't want to know, but I knew. Thirty six percent of people have confessed to having an affair while on a business trip. I guess that puts you in good company."

Derek didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say and he wasn't going to insult Spencer's intelligence by trying to deny anything. "I'm so, so sorry. Just give me another chance, baby please I'll make this up to you."

"You're sorry. So am I. Now, get out, or get off of me and I'll go." Spencer said quietly, almost robotically. He was teetering on the edge and Derek knew he'd have to be extremely careful about how far and how hard he pushed. His guilty conscience told him to get up and give Spencer the space and time he needed to work things out, but his heart had other ideas. Derek knew he was wrong, he knew he was in no position to make demands but he also knew he wasn't about to give up Spencer and their life together.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I'm not leaving Spencer and neither are you. We can work through this. We _will _work through this. You're hurt and you're angry and you have every right to be and I'd do anything to make it go away, to make it up to you, but you're asking me for the one thing I can't do…you can't just ask me to let you go, baby because I can't do that." Derek responded

"You let me go the second you slept with her." Spencer whispered.

"I didn't have sex with her! She just suck-" Derek thought better of finishing that thought and switched gears, "I didn't sleep with her Spencer."

"I don't care about specifics Derek. The fact that you did _anything _with her is enough of a betrayal. I never thought…I mean I know the statistics on infidelity, and given your history, I should have at least entertained the idea that you'd…but I didn't. I couldn't…I _trusted_ you." Spencer said.

Derek felt like he'd been punched in the gut. "I know. I know you don't believe it right now, but I love you Spencer and I know you love me. We _will_ get through this." Derek looked Spencer in the eyes and read the emotions reflected in the hazel orbs: anger, hurt, betrayal, confusion and, thankfully, love. He'd never regretted anything more than he regretted hurting Spencer.

"I thought I made you happy."

"You did. You DO. I am. This wasn't about you. I messed up baby and I don't-"

"Do you love her?"

Derek was shocked that Spencer even thought it was possible for him to be in love with anyone else. "NO!" He responded forcefully. "How can you even think that? Why would you ever-'

"Then how could you? How could you touch her like you touch me?" Spencer whispered.

"Baby," Derek said, cupping Spencer's cheek, "I've never touched _anyone_ the way I touch you." He fused their mouths together. Derek nibbled and licked against the unyielding, rigid line of Spencer's lips and murmured words of apology and love against the pale skin of Spencer's throat and into the shell of Spencer's ear, until the full lips parted and he was allowed to slip his tongue inside. Derek kissed him softly, gently, probing the wet heat of his mouth, seeking acceptance, and testing Spencer's responses.

Derek forced himself to go slow. He was desperate to touch and taste, to rip clothing from bodies and slide into Spencer hot and hard and just _take _to prove to Spencer how very good they were together and how very much he wanted them, wanted _him_, but he felt the tension in Spencer's body, and knew he had to take his time and draw his lover out. This wasn't a time for hard and fast; this was a time for soft, reverent touches, light butterfly kisses against heated flesh, and quiet encouragement.

Derek knew that Spencer had the tendency to shut down when he was overwhelmed emotionally and after the shock of Derek's cheating and his frenzied, emotional response, Spencer was completely spent. Derek moved slowly, deliberately, handling Spencer as if he had the fragility of spun glass. He knew every one of his lover's buttons and he pushed them all, coaxing Spencer out of passivity and into participation.

Buttons were undone, zippers eased down and shoes kicked off as clothing was shed. Skin slid across skin as Derek settled himself in the cradle of Spencer's body. Spencer's broken moans and Derek's heavy breathing were the only sounds that filled the air as Derek's hands explored the terrain of Spencer's body, the contrast of his ebony skin on Spencer's ivory flesh stark, startling and beautiful. Derek prepared him as tenderly as he had the first time they'd made love, Spencer's first time making love to anyone, slowly, thoroughly, starting with one finger, then two, then three until Spencer was gasping and pleading for more, begging for Derek. When Derek pushed into him hot, heavy and hard, Spencer arched up off the sofa, wrapped his legs around Derek's hips and held him there, hazel eyes wide open, boring into Derek's cocoa colored ones silently pleading for Derek to prove that Spencer was loved, that he was wanted, that he was _safe. _Derek understood what Spencer needed and did his best to give it to him.

As his hips twisted and rolled, thrusting slowly and sensuously in and out of Spencer's body, Derek whispered a steady stream of needy confessions into his ear, 'love you so much, need you so much, never let you go, oh God you feel so good' that left both men breathless. As Derek held on, tangling his fingers in the silken strands of Spencer's hair with one hand, stroking Spencer to completion with the other, he vowed he'd do whatever he had to not to lose this, not to lose Spencer and their life together. When they came in almost perfect unison Derek thought there wasn't anything more precious to him than his Spencer, coming undone and falling apart in his arms.

As he gathered him close and felt Spencer's heartbeat through his chest, Derek knew there were conversations that needed to be had, hurt feelings that needed to be assuaged, and trust that needed to be rebuilt but he was hopeful that Spencer would give him the opportunity to do so. When Spencer raised his head and looked Derek in the eye, Derek held his breath and felt time stand still as he waited for his lover's reaction.

"I don't forgive you." Spencer stated in a small sad voice. Derek felt his heart constrict and he immediately felt panic begin to creep in, but then Spencer spoke again. "I don't forgive you. I don't trust you and I don't know if I ever will again," Derek felt himself break, shatter into pieces and then blow away like dust, "But I'm willing to try. Don't ask for more than that, because you don't deserve more than that. I'm not even sure you deserve that much."

As Spencer slid from beneath him and walked down the hallway, Derek slowly began to breathe again. He took in the chaotic destruction of the living room and knew that it was nothing compared to what he'd done to Spencer's heart. Spencer was giving him more than he deserved, and Derek was determined to make sure Spencer never regretted it.


	2. Funny How The Tables Turn

A/N: Contains Season Six spoilers, specifically related to "Lauren"

**Chapter Two: It's Funny How the Tables Turn**

Derek and Spencer were one month shy of their fifth anniversary and while the years had brought storms both personal and professional (Derek's long ago infidelity, Spencer's concerns about his mental health, George Foyet, Haley's death, JJ's departure, and more violent, depraved UnSubs than they knew what to do with) they'd always weathered them together. That was, until this, until now, until Emily.

Her empty desk in the bullpen seemed to mock him every morning when he came in. Derek couldn't get those last, anguish filled moments he'd had with her out of his head and he couldn't stop being angry. He became withdrawn, distant, and cold. He snapped at everyone and Spencer, quietly devastated and wrapped in a blanket of grief, often bore the brunt of his temper. Derek knew he was being unfair, he knew Spencer was hurting every bit as much, if not more, than he was and he needed someone to lean on but he couldn't be that person. His own grief, his own pain, his own anger left no room for anyone else's. Derek had actually been grateful when Spencer and Seaver had seemed to gravitate towards one another in the wake of Emily's passing since they both needed someone to lean on and it meant that Spencer stopped looking at him to be that person.

Seaver had felt like an outsider among the team; mourning Emily but in no way entitled to deep, soul numbing grief the rest of the team felt. Penelope had been cool towards her, silently resentful as if she'd somehow stolen the place of first JJ and now Emily. Hotch had been professionally distant, his decision to let Strauss conduct her grief counseling session while he himself counseled the rest of the team let her know that while she may be on his team, she was not in his family. Derek…he simply had no time for her. He hadn't wanted to deal with her questions or her emotions or _her_. She wasn't Emily, she wasn't qualified for the BAU and he wasn't going to pretend that she was. While Rossi had been as encouraging as ever, his top priority was Hotch and that left him little time for hand holding. That had left Spencer, the one person who allowed her grief and didn't resent or reject her in some way.

Spencer had been in pain, mentally and physically. He'd needed someone and for the first time since he'd joined the BAU, he'd been at a loss as to where to go. He hadn't been able to go to Derek as he longed to do since the older man wouldn't let him in. Numerous attempts to share their mutual loss with his partner had resulted in vicious rebuffs that had left Spencer more emotionally compromised than he'd been when he'd sought comfort. Penelope burst into tears whenever Emily's name was mentioned, so going to her was out of the question. Hotch, while a friend was also his boss and in light of the headaches he'd been having (and keeping secret) Spencer hadn't wanted to give him any other signs of weakness. Rossi had always treated him with a faint edge of dislike…he didn't anticipate unburdening himself there. JJ was gone and even though he saw her pretty much every weekend, she hadn't been there the last few months and she didn't know what it had felt like to have missed the signs, to look back and see where they could have, should have known and should have helped. For the first time since they'd met, Spencer had felt like there was something she wouldn't understand, plus he just didn't want to burden her. Simple process of elimination had led him to Ashley and circumstance had led her to accept him, to need him as he needed her. She had been just as lost, just as isolated and just as unsure as he'd been, more so because at least Spencer hadn't had the added burden of questioning his place on the team.

The friendship had started slowly, conversations on the jet, cups of coffee in the break room, awkward smiles across the bullpen and progressed to hanging out on the weekends, or after work. They had never made an effort to exclude Derek, or the rest of the team, but more often than not, they'd ended up going it alone. Spencer had taken Ashley to jazz concerts in Potomac Park, slasher marathons at The Avalon, and exhibits at the Smithsonian. Ashley had taken Spencer shopping, introduced him to laser tag and managed to actually get him onstage at a karaoke bar. He'd confided in her about his headaches, she'd confided in him about her fear of washing out of the BAU. He'd confessed to being afraid to end up like his mother, she's whispered her biggest fear was being her father's daughter. He'd held her hand while she opened one of her father's letters and she'd held his hand when made his first visit to Emily's grave. What had started out as two lonely people sharing their grief became much more than that.

Derek had been too preoccupied to notice. For months, all he'd been able to focus on outside of the BAU was finding Doyle. He'd started to understand a bit of what Hotch had felt when he'd been searching for Foyet. Derek's every spare moment was spent working Emily's case, walking the fine line between justice and vengeance. The growing closeness between Seaver and Spencer hadn't struck Derek as cause for concern. Since they'd gotten closer, Spencer hadn't been pressuring Derek to talk to him or trying to draw him out of his shell like he had been before. Spencer's previous attempts had always ended in disaster and even though Derek hadn't wanted to open up to Spencer or anyone else, he also hadn't wanted to add to his lover's pain. In truth, Derek had been thankful for the distraction Seaver provided Spencer. He had been, until Hotch and then Penelope had made comments that got his wheels turning.

Derek had gone into Hotch's office to drop off a file. As he was leaving Hotch had asked him to close the door and have a seat.

"Sure man, what's up?"

Hotch cleared his throat. "Derek, I realize that what happened to Emily hit all of us hard-"

"Hotch." Derek cut in, his voice low and hard, "I did the grief counseling. I'm done talking about what I lost."

Hotch fixed a probing gaze on Derek. "I actually called you in here to talk about what you're _losing, _not what you lost." He stated quietly. Derek's brow furrowed in confusion, and Hotch sighed. "I'm talking about Reid." He elaborated.

Derek felt the cold tendrils of unease brush the nape of his neck and crawl up his spine. "What about him?" Derek had asked slowly.

Hotch shook his head. "You mean to tell me you haven't noticed the increased closeness between him and Agent Seaver?" Hotch asked incredulously.

Derek had felt his gut tighten. He'd reflexively curled his fingers into the arms of the chair he was sitting in. "Just what are you implying man?"

"Nothing I can prove." Hotch had answered. "Derek…Reid had a harder time dealing with happened to Emily than I think you know. He was devastated, doubting himself and whether or not the BAU was worth the personal cost. He was lonely and with his abandonment issues-"

"I do not need you to explain Spencer to me." Derek had cut in hotly. "I know what he was going through, what he's still going through. He needed someone to lean on and I'm glad he found that in Seaver."

"He should have been able to find that in you." Hotch said quietly.

Derek rocketed to his feet. "My relationship with Spencer is personal. I'm not gonna talk about it here, ever and definitely not talking about it with you."

"So the fact that you're losing him to her doesn't bother you." Hotch went on unperturbed.

Derek was silent. "I'm not losing him. Fine, yes we're in a rough patch and yes it mostly my fault and yes its Emily related but Spencer isn't having some kind of affair with Seaver. He's not the cheating type." With that declaration, Derek turned on his heel and strode to the door.

"Derek." The calculating calmness of Hotch's tone made Derek turn around. They make eye contact.

"Neither was Haley." Derek gasped audibly but Hotch had merely shrugged and pressed on. "It's amazing how quickly someone becomes the cheating type when they're hurting, lonely, frustrated, the person they love can't or won't meet their needs and someone else is all too willing and available to do so. Don't make the same mistakes I did."

Derek had left Hotch's office without a word. As he passed the bullpen he noticed Seaver and Spencer both missing. A discreet inquiry to Penelope revealed the pair had gone to lunch-just the two of them and gave Derek his second shock of the day.

As he turned to leave her lair, Penelope stopped him cold. "Hey tall, dark and oblivious, you do realize she's running him down like a lion hunting a gazelle don't you?"

"I-She-What?" Derek had repeated blankly.

"She wants the boy wonder of the BAU. Probably goes home at night and fantasizes about having mind blowing sex and little baby geniuses with _your boyfriend_." Penelope stated.

"What-"

"Derek you're a profiler, for God's sake, profile." Penelope had demanded as she ushered him out of her lair.

When the fog lifted, Derek had begun to do just, piecing together months of interactions between his boyfriend and the BAU's newest member. Things sharpened and came into focus: the slight blush that would stain her cheeks when Spencer smiled, how often she would volunteer to stay behind at the station with him when before she'd been all about being out in the field, Spencer's many late night phone calls from Seaver and the fact that he hadn't attempted to talk to Derek about anything emotional in weeks, that they hadn't had sex in almost two months, that Spencer spent more time with her than he did at home all combined to help Derek realize that both Hotch and Penelope had been right. If Spencer wasn't already having an affair he was well on his way.

Derek had made it his business to be in the bullpen when the pair got back from lunch. As they'd exited the elevator and opened the doors, Derek had been in the perfect position to read their expressions. Spencer had been surprised to see him leaning against his desk and there'd been a flash of something so brief that Derek couldn't place it. Seaver was much less capable of covering her emotions and on her face Derek had read the unmistakable flashes of guilt and resentment in her gaze when she'd seen him leaning casually against Spencer's desk.

"Hey Pretty Boy." Derek had greeted Spencer, smiling easily, "How was lunch?"

Seaver had actually let a small smirk play across her face while Spencer had flushed ever so slightly. There it was. Not enough for confirmation of an affair, but enough for Derek to know there was something, even if it was just an inappropriate emotional connection.

"It was, ah, it was good." Spencer said stepping around Derek to sit at his desk.

"It was _really_ good." Seaver had chimed in from her desk. Derek felt his blood boil but as he'd turned to her to let fly a cutting remark, he'd caught sight of her hair. It had been darker, closer inspection revealed it was because it had been slightly damp. Derek had then turned his attention to Spencer and noticed his lover's hair was wet as well…

_Don't get carried away, Derek._ He'd cautioned himself. It _was _raining outside. They didn't have umbrellas; there could be a logical reason for it.

There could be, except later that afternoon when Seaver had passed by him he could have sworn he'd smelled Ivory soap-Spencer preferred brand-on her skin and when he'd gotten home that night and climbed into bed something had been off. It had taken him a couple of seconds to figure it out, but suddenly it had hit him.

The sheets had been changed.

Derek's eyes had darted to the corner where the dirty laundry usually was. It had been gone. A quick recon mission and he'd discovered the laundry in the dryer. Spencer had done the laundry. Spencer _never_ did the laundry. Spencer had done the laundry AND changed the sheets.

Derek had made the bed before he'd left for work that morning, so he knew, he fucking knew, the sheets on the bed that morning had been Spencer's favorite, a blue/lavender combo. Now they were his favorite sheets a dark, hunter green. Derek's blood had boiled.

Derek shook Spencer awake and had fought down the urge to wrap his hands around his throat and squeeze. "You changed the sheets." He'd said without preamble.

"Wassaat?" Spencer had mumbled sleepily.

"The sheets Spencer. You changed the sheets." Derek had ground out from behind clenched teeth.

Spencer had cracked open one eye, blindly groped for his pillow and settled back in. "Twas your fault. Clooney found your stupid stash of jerky. He decided to follow his daddy's example and eat it in our bed." Spencer had briefly mumbled from his pillow. "There was slobber and jerky _everywhere._ On my _pillow_." He looked up and shot Derek an accusing look. "He slobbered on Tesla." Tesla was Spencer's stuffed owl. He was speckled grey and white with horn rimmed glasses and completely ridiculous, because really, a grown man with a stuffed owl? But Tesla was just so completely Spencer that Derek put up with the thing in the middle of their bed, and the damn thing made Spencer so happy he honestly didn't even mind.

"Sorry." Derek had apologized, mostly to give his mouth something to do other than make the accusations that were on the tip of his tongue.

"It's ok. Now go to sleep." Spencer had mumbled, curling himself around Derek's body and drifting back off.

Sleep never came for Derek that night.


	3. You Should Have Known Better

A/N: Before anyone says it, I know Derek was a little OOC in the last chapter. I figure though, after what HE did, he wouldn't want to open the can of worms marked "Infidelity" unless he was sure. And he's not sure…all he's got at this point is suspicion. And I think Derek is capable tapping down his temper if properly motivated. I also think he's capable of a less explosive, more of a slow burn type of anger, being supremely ticked without showing it if he's actively trying to suppress it (look at how mad he was during his grief counseling) But he's Derek Morgan...so you know sooner or later he's going to blow and when he does…you know its going to be something serious.

**Chapter Three: You Should Have Known Better**

Derek had spent the following week watching Spencer and Seaver like a hawk. Spencer was impossible to get a read on, but Derek had known that profiling Spencer would be a long shot. Spencer was a Vegas boy and a trained profiler so when he put his brilliant mind to it, there was no reading his poker face. Seaver though, had proved far less difficult, and gave away far more than she probably intended to.

Watching her, Derek had noticed things he'd been too deep in his own head to notice before: Whenever Seaver went to the break room to get coffee she brought one back for Spencer as well, perfectly made to his taste and let her fingers brush his _just so_ when she handed him the cup. That Spencer didn't flinch or step away when she got into his personal space bubble. That he let her _touch_ him…nothing inappropriate, but this was Spencer and there were very few people he allowed to touch him with any consistency, hell he was still dodging handshakes and shoulder claps from Kevin Lynch, so Spencer letting her touch him spoke volumes. Derek noticed the inside jokes, the way she made it a point to sit next to or near him in briefings or on the jet. The way she had stopped interrupting or walking away when he went off on a tangent; instead she sat there, happy smile on her face, occasional question rising from her lips and let Spencer expound on whatever topic had captured his attention. He observed the way she watched Spencer move, appreciation and longing etched on her face. Most telling though, was the way she turned her head or diverted her attention every time Derek was near Spencer, and her sudden reluctance to be partnered with or even speak to Derek. Her behaviour confirmed for Derek that if she wasn't already involved with Spencer, she wanted to be.

From that point on, Derek had made it his mission to make sure he was near Spencer as much as possible and Seaver got no more alone time with him. He made lunch plans for him and his boyfriend, he coordinated his breaks to align with Spencer's, he called him into his office several times a day to "help" with things Derek was quite capable of doing on his own. The change in Derek's behavior wasn't enough to arous suspicion in anyone, but it was noticeable among those who knew the pair well, and that change in behavior, Derek's subtle way of staking his claim on the genius, set off a chain reaction among team and spurred them into action as well.

Derek hadn't said anything to anyone, but it seemed as if the other team members had been waiting on him to make some kind of a move so they could back him up. Hotch made sure he assigned Seaver to work with himself or Rossi whenever possible. Penelope made sure she, Kevin or a combination of the two them accompanied Spencer and Ashley on lunch outings that Derek couldn't make. Anderson practically sprinted into the break room whenever Spencer did, making sure anytime Seaver came close to change the subject to Derek or something Derek related. Rossi made not so subtle references to setting her up with any number of nice "_available_" young men. Once Derek had made it clear he wasn't giving Spencer up, everyone in the family had closed ranks.

Derek and Spencer were closer than they'd been in months but Derek still didn't voice his suspicions. Partly because he wasn't sure how Spencer would take it if he were wrong. If there wasn't anything going on between Spencer and Seaver, and Derek opened the door to a discussion on infidelity things could get ugly. But that uncertainty wasn't the only thing holding him back. If he were honest he'd admit it was because he knew if Spencer confirmed that there was in fact something going on it would most likely result in a double murder and Derek getting a lethal injection for killing not one, but two federal agents.

So Derek had remained silent, but he had also made an effort to change the behavior that got them to that point in the first place. All things Doyle and Emily had hit the back burner and Spencer had become the priority. They'd talked, really talked, for the first time in months. He'd found out about the headaches, the doctor appointments he'd missed that Spencer hadn't told him about because he hadn't thought he'd want to know. He opened up to Spencer, talked to him about his guilt about his initial reaction to finding out about Emily's past and how responsible he felt for her death. They grieved together for the first time and things had felt better, more solid between them. Seaver hung over them like a fine mist though and Derek knew he'd eventually have to address the issue but he needed to be sure he could handle it if it was the worst case scenario and he wasn't there yet. So until he was on a little more stable emotional ground, Derek decided it was best to have suspicions but no confirmations.

That had been three weeks ago and the team was now working a local case. The Unsub was targeting swingers. They were sure the UnSub was a woman and she would attend "meet and greet" parties, lure the couples to her under the premise that she wanted to join them, then shoot and kill the woman and castrate the male. They had three suspects, but no way to distinguish which of the three was the UnSub.

"We're going to have to send someone in." Rossi announced after the team had been on the case for eight days and two more couples had fallen victim. "It's the only way we're going to get close enough to determine who the UnSub is."

"Rossi-" Derek began, knowing where this was going and not liking it one bit.

"He's right." Hotch cut in. "We need to get someone on the inside. Just to observe and get a read on and a feel for both the UnSubs and the targets."

Derek knew Rossi was right. The only problem was, the only two that fit the victimology were Seaver and Spencer, and his dislike of her anywhere near Spencer aside, Derek didn't trust her enough to put Spencer's life in her hands. From the look on their faces, neither Hotch nor Rossi were completely sure either.

Shades of Elle flashed through Derek's mind. One look at Hotch left Derek sure his friend and boss was thinking the same thing. The last time they'd sent an agent in undercover before they'd been ready, it had been a disaster that ended both a man's life and Elle's career.

"Maybe we can call in Vickers from Masterson's team-" Derek began.

"I'm ready for this. You don't have to call in another agent, I can do it. No problem." Seaver confidently announced. "Besides, Spencer will be there to have my back." She added, giving Derek a dirty look and Spencer a smile.

Derek's fist clenched and he started to respond to the obvious taunt, but Spencer discretely put a hand on his thigh under the table and squeezed. Derek forced himself to calm down and gave his boyfriend a grateful, but tight, smile.

Spencer cleared his throat and tried to put everyone at ease. "We're just going in to observe. It'll be fine. We'll be fine." He stated, knowing exactly why Hotch and Derek were hesistant but not wanting to undermine Ashley's confidence.

Derek took Hotch aside and tried to convince him to call in another agent, but time constraints and the fact that Seaver was supposed to gaining experience tied Hotch's hands. As he and Spencer said goodbye, Derek hadn't been able to shake the feeling that something bad going to happen.

"Derek, this isn't a raid. We're not even going in as decoys. We're just going in to observe and possibly make some useful contacts. I have to believe,and so do you and everyone else that Ash, uh, Seaver is ready for that much. If she isn't then it means either she's not ready to be on this team or we haven't done a good enough job of preparing her. She's my partner for this assignment and I have to have confidence in my partner. Things will be fine." Spencer had told him before leaving.

They hadn't been fine and Seaver hadn't been ready. During the assignment Ashley had gone off script, breaking off to follow one suspect, Regina St. Claire, down a path and into the woods, without calling for back up or informing Spencer she was leaving. She'd followed her to a well hidden boathouse about a quarter mile off the property when she'd discovered Regina was sneaking off to have a tryst and could not be the Unsub. By the time she'd made it back to the party, Angel Cardona, the real UnSub had become suspicious of Spencer being there alone and when Ashley came back, she'd chatted her up and Ashley had inadvertently blown their cover. The woman had taken Ashley hostage and Spencer had been injured when he'd rescued her.

Derek thought his heart was going to give out at the sight of Spencer, flat on his back, pale and bleeding, with an ever growing red stain forming on his shirt where he'd been shot, blood trickling out of his mouth, struggling to remain conscious.

Derek's vision shrank to pinholes and all he could do was replay his last moments with Emily.

Then suddenly his field of vision widened and he could see Seaver, on her knees, holding Spencer's hand, tears streaming down her face, apologizing to him. "Oh God. Oh god, oh Spencer. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, but you were so brave. You saved me and you have to be ok now, if you're not ok I don't know what I'll do. I'm so sorry, please please be ok-"

"Shut up!" Derek snapped, striding forward and dropping to his knees on the other side of Spencer. "He wouldn't be here right now If weren't for you! How hard is it to follow simple fucking directions? What were you thinking? You know what, I don't care what you were thinking just get the fuck away from him NOW." Derek was shaking with barely contained fury, not even Spencer frantically pulling at his sleeve could get him to temper his anger.

Seaver's eyes blazed and she opened her mouth as if she were about to refuse when Rossi appeared and grabbed her firmly by the elbow, pulling her to feet and away from both Derek and Spencer.

"I think you've done enough damage for one night, don't you?" Dave said in her ear, his voice deceptively calm, but his grip leaving no doubt that he'd remove her forcibly if need be. She wisely closed her mouth and allowed Dave to lead her away.

Derek didn't know where Rossi had taken her and he didn't care. He grabbed Spencer's hand and just started to speak. "I love you Pretty Boy you know that right? I love you so fucking much it hurts Spencer. You're gonna be fine baby…we got an anniversary to get to. Our moms are expecting us to jump the broom any day now and then pull a Brad and Angelina and adopt like a United Nations worth of kids. Schrödinger hates me, you can't leave me with that fucking cat man. I-I need you baby I'm going to kill you for this, you know. But I need you."

Spencer laughed and then coughed. "Killing me would make my survival a moot point wouldn't it?" He joked.

"Spencer-"

"Shush. My turn." Spencer coughed again. "I love you. Schrödinger would too if you didn't call him "that fucking cat" whenever you speak of him. Or to him. Our mothers are, ironic as this may sound all things considered, completely insane. Your mom slipped a brochure about surrogacy in with your birthday present last month and my mother keeps reminding me that just because she's in Bennington doesn't mean she's unaware of the outside world and that since we live in DC there's no reason why you can't make an honest man of me. I love you Derek and I will be fine. We will be fine. Don't shoot, tackle or otherwise damage the UnSub. Call JJ, because if you don't Penelope will and you know how that will go. Don't yell at Hotch, he'll feel bad enough about this as it is, and don't dare let Penelope cry. Don't fight with Rossi and I know you're mad at her but Ashley-"

Derek _did not _want to talk about Seaver.

"Hush Pretty Boy." Derek admonished, kissing him as the EMT's came through the door. "We'll talk about it when you get better." The EMT's loaded Spencer up and wheeled him out to the ambulance. "I'm going with him." Derek announced. The man working on Spencer merely nodded, and kept his focus on his patient.

As the doors closed, one of the last things Derek saw was Ashley face, pink, puffy and tearstained, looking at him with hatred in her eyes.


	4. We Are Family

A/N First…Seaver fans will not be happy w/this chapter, consider this fair warning. I tried not to throw her too far under the bus (trust me this is the super duper, highly edited, somewhat Seaver friendly version) but every story needs a source of conflict and she's this one's…sort of. Second, I'm sorry it's so short compared to my normal chapters and the update took so long. Third, thank you so much for all the love and reviews and alerts. Your feedback and support has been awesome.

Disclaimer: As of yet, Pinky, The Brain and I have not taken over the world and Criminal Minds still isn't mine.

Warnings: Language, mild violence

**We Are Family**

The team crowded into the waiting room of the local hospital, each of them feeling a sick sense of déjà vu while they waited on news about Spencer. Derek had, so far done a good job of not losing his temper. He'd managed to keep his cool while Angel had been cuffed and led away. He'd managed to remain calm while EMT's on the scene struggled to stop the bleeding and Spencer had slipped into unconsciousness. He'd held himself together when Spencer had been ushered back behind double doors and he'd been instructed to "take a seat Agent Morgan and we'll let you know something as soon as there's something to know." Derek had been able to maintain his composure well enough to console Penelope, call JJ, and absolve Hotch of any wrong doing. But he lost it, he just completely and totally _fucking lost it_, when Seaver showed up, following behind Rossi and having the nerve to tell Derek not to worry because Spencer was "strong and brave and he'd been through worse and he'd be just fine."

"Woman, who the _fuck_ do you think you are?" Derek exploded, jumping up and beginning to walk towards Seaver with such a look of violence on his face that Rossi stepped in front of her and Hotch stepped in front of Derek, placing a hand on his chest to stop his advance.

"You stupid, reckless, unqualified-, do you realize what you did?" Derek seethed. "You left your assignment, you left your position, you left your partner, _you left Spencer,_ alone with no backup while you went off on your own, following a baseless hunch that turned out to be _nothing_ and then, as if you hadn't already completely fucked up seven ways from Sunday, you blow your covers, get taken hostage, get Spencer fucking _shot _and you have the _nerve_ to flounce your happy ass in here and try to tell me about how strong and brave he is and how much shit he's survived as if you know any fucking thing about him! As if you know any fucking thing at all! I don't know whose dick you sucked to get on this team-"

"Derek!" Hotch's voice cut through his tirade. "This isn't helping Spencer and this isn't the time or the place to do this."

"I am NOT unqualified!" Seaver protested.

Anderson gave a cough that sounded suspiciously like "bullshit", Rossi shook his head, and even Hotch shot her an incredulous look as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'm not." Seaver shrieked. She stepped out from behind Dave and pointed at Derek. "And if you actually gave a damn about Spencer you wouldn't have ignored him for the past few months. He was hurt and lonely and scared and not once did you act like you gave a damn. What did you think? That you're the only person on the planet that knows how amazing he is? That he should be so grateful to be with "The great Derek Morgan" that it didn't matter that he was being treated like shit?" Her composure left her and she was seething. Her long buried resentment, dislike and jealousy of Derek bubbled over and spilled forth and she didn't hesitate to tell Derek what she thought of him and how he'd treated Spencer.

"You don't love him; if you did you would have noticed how much pain he was in all the time. You aren't good enough or smart enough or sensitive enough for Spencer. You took him for granted and completely disregarded his feelings for months and just expected Spencer to sit back and take it. Why should he have had to beg you to talk to him or hold him or be there for him? Spencer is exceptional, no, he's phenomenal and he should be with someone who reminds him of that every day. You don't appreciate him, you don't deserve him and you don't belong with him. He belongs with me and you and them, "she gestured toward the team," might as well get used to it. This whole "team as family" BS you people try to sell, it's just a way to control and manipulate him. You aren't his family-"She rushed on despite the twin looks of disapproval she got from Hotch and Rossi and the double dose of malice coming from Garcia and Anderson, "It just pisses you off doesn't it, Derek? Someone finally having the balls to tell the UnSub tackling, door kicking, building jumping, super hero Derek Morgan what a piece of shit boyfriend he's been. I bet you wanna hit me right now, I bet you wish you could. Too bad you can't, too bad you-"

SMACK! The sound of the slap reverberated off the walls and a surprised Seaver's head snapped back as the viciousness of the blow made her lose her footing and drop to her knees. When she raised her eyes she was staring up at an irate blonde force of nature better known as Jennifer Jareau.

"Derek can't hit you but I damn sure can." JJ declared, her voice dripping with contempt.

"So can I." Penelope piped up gleefully. "But I don't have to. By the time I'm done you'll wish I had though." The tech goddess threatened darkly.

"I don't know who the hell you think you are and I don't care." JJ started slowly. "What I do know is that you're wrong. Spencer is family. Derek is family. We," JJ swept her hand to indicate the BAU members gathered around them "are a family. And you, you are lucky Emily isn't here. She would wipe the floor with you right about now. I may not be Emily, but I'm more than capable of protecting what's mine from the likes of you, and make no mistake, Spence and Derek are most definitely mine. You, you are so done here." Seaver moved to get up off the floor and JJ narrowed her eyes and fixed her with a look of pure venom. "Before you get up, know this. I will do whatever it takes to defend my family. You get up off that floor and you say one word to upset Derek any further than you already have and I promise you little girl, I will bring you to your knees." Seaver's eyes widened and she shot JJ a dirty look, then turned and looked at Rossi.

"Don't even think it, kiddo." Rossi said quietly. "I haven't lived this long by being stupid. If I were you, I'd get up and go home, real quick and quiet like." He held out a hand to help her up.

Ashley angrily batted Rossi's hand away and slowly hauled herself up off the floor. She gave JJ a look of defiance and started to speak when Hotch's cold, clipped tones cut her off, "Agent Seaver, given that your actions tonight led to an agent being injured, your status with this team is that of a _probationary_ agent and that Agent Jareau will be returning to our team shortly," Hotch continued on as if he hadn't heard Derek's sharp intake of breath, seen Rossi's cat that ate the canary smile or heard Penelope actually squee, "I'd proceed with an extreme amount of caution. I believe it would be best if you went home and prepared yourself to explain to Section Chief Strauss exactly where you were and what you were doing when you left your post. Agent Anderson, please escort Agent Seaver home. Agent Seaver, I will call you and let you know how Agent Reid is."

Seaver snapped her mouth shut, and with one last dirty look, turned around and left.

"Hotch is it true?" His boss's rare smile was all the confirmation Derek needed. "That's the best news we've gotten in forever! JJ, girl, you have no idea how happy I am to see-"

SMACK! JJ delivered her second slap of the night to Derek. "_What were you thinking_?" She demanded. "You let that, that _creature_ get close to Spence? Where were you when _that_ was happening?"

"I-I" Derek stuttered.

"He was hiding out in his office, fixated on Doyle with his head up his ass." Rossi unhelpfully supplied.

Derek glared at Rossi who looked utterly unrepentant. Then he folded JJ into a huge hug. "I missed you. We missed you. And you're right; I was off my game and I let that woman get way too close to home, but that's over now."

JJ sighed, and then smiled. "So this is what happens when I leave you guys alone for a few months? You people are lost without me." She joked.

"You said it sister." Penelope agreed. "So try not to go away again." She crushed JJ to her in a bear hug.

"I don't plan to." JJ smiled brilliantly.

"Amen to that." Rossi quipped.

Derek rubbed his stinging cheek but smiled anyway. JJ was right, they had been lost without her and he had never been happier to see someone.

"Family of Spencer Reid?"

"Here." Everyone spoke at once.

The doctor looked over the motley crew speculatively. "I was looking for the _biological _family of Spencer Reid?" He tried again. At the five death glares he received, he decided that while these people may not look like a family, any attempt on his part to deny them access to or information about his patient might result in _him _needing medical treatment.

"Yes, well." He cleared his throat. "Agent Reid's surgery went well. Luckily no internal organs were hit, the majority of the bleeding was due to his vitamin K deficiency. The wound itself was relatively minor all things considered. Barring any complications or infections, he should recover just fine and be ready to be discharged in a couple of days."

"Can I see him?" Derek asked anxiously.

"He's in recovery right now but as soon as it's possible for him to receive visitors one of the nurses will come take you to him."

Derek breathed a sigh of relief and everyone exchanged grateful, happy smiles.


	5. Can You Stand The Rain

A/N Here's the update and I hope you guys like it. I got a little blocked so it took awhile longer than I wanted it too...I knew where I wanted the boys to go, just had problems getting them there. Anyway, happy reading :)

**Can You Stand The Rain**

Derek and Spencer had celebrated their anniversary in Spencer's hospital room. Rossi had cracked that it was strangely appropriate given all the time they spent in one between the two of them. JJ and Garcia decorated with every shade of purple the party store had, and Anderson acted as the lookout while Hotch snuck in the pizzas they had procured for the occasion. Despite the location, it was an upbeat, happy occasion.

Six weeks later found Derek and Spencer relaxing at home, Derek, in basketball shorts and a Chicago PD t-shirt, spread out on the couch with Clooney at his feet and Schrodinger eyeing him warily from the fireplace. Spencer, in FBI issued sweatpants and a white v-neck t-shirt, was at the kitchen table sorting the mail, both of them completely relaxed and at ease. Spencer's injury was all but healed and he'd been allowed to come back to light desk duty, to both his and Derek's relief as the mandatory time at home was driving the good doctor crazy and the good doctor had been, in turn, driving Derek crazy.

"JJ wants us to bring potato salad to the barbeque next week end." Spencer remarked absently. "I'm so excited! I mean, the barbeque will be fun, but after…I still can't believe Rossi is getting to read at the National Memorial Day Concert! Did you know that while Waterloo, New York has been sanctioned by the U.S. Government as being the birthplace of the Memorial Day celebration, there are several communities across the US that also claim to be the birthplace of the holiday? Boalsburg, Pennsylvania for example-"

"Anything interesting come in the mail?" Derek cut in quickly.

"Um…" Spencer's hesitation was enough to confirm for Derek that there was, in fact something interesting in the mail.

"Spencer, what is it?" Derek asked. The last time Spencer had been freaked out by a piece of mail it had been a letter from Nathan Harris. It made Derek more than a little nervous that Spencer insisted on keeping in touch with Nathan since over the years Nathan had developed what Derek saw as an unhealthy attachment to Spencer.

"I ah, "Spencer cleared his throat, "I got a letter from Ashley."

For the last six weeks they had avoided speaking about Seaver. There had been some initial tension, such as when Penelope had given Spencer a brief, highly edited version of the melee in the waiting room, a fight over her one visit to Spencer while he'd been in the hospital and after Hotch's curt announcement that she'd been transferred to the Omaha field office but Derek and Spencer had, for the most part, deftly navigated around the topic. As far as the rest of team went, they'd all been too happy about JJ returning to expound too much energy on Seaver. They still felt Emily's absence, but somehow, with JJ back, the Emily sized hole in their hearts was a bit less painful. No one gave Seaver's absence a second thought.

No one but Derek, in the dead of night when Spencer was sleeping and Derek would replay her words to him in the waiting room. "Why is she writing you letters?" Derek asked in a deceptively calm voice.

"It's not as if she can call Derek." Spencer pointed out reasonably. The one time Ashley had called him, Derek had nearly ripped the phone out of the wall in a fit of jealous rage. "If I had to guess I would say perhaps because of my affinity for the written word? While I agree that most people her age would simply write an email or send a text message, perhaps she feels the handwritten letter is more personal and stylistically preferable. The very nature of emails invites one to be quick and concise, whereas with a letter it's more like a narrative, with a beginning, middle and end that allows for the writer to insert wit, sarcasm or personal observations-." Spencer began

"Spencer." Derek cut in, "Why is she writing you?"

Spencer was silent for a beat. "Is it really all that surprising given the way she left? She was hurt Derek. She felt ganged up on, misunderstood and tossed aside. She felt abandoned, and I of all people can relate to that. I'm not saying she didn't…contribute to the situation but the way things happened, my injury, the altercation in the ER, her transfer…it hurt her. And she doesn't…she hasn't opened herself up to many people and she did to me. I'm sure she's just looking to keep one of the few connections she's managed to forge in her life. Simply put, because she's was my friend and would like to continue being my friend." Spencer said so simply that for half a second Derek was tempted to let it go.

Then he flashed back to smelling Spencer's soap on Seaver's skin. Seaver's possibly shower damp hair, Seaver standing in the middle of the hospital ER and telling him that _she_ belonged with Spencer, bed sheets changed in the middle of the day and decided he was done letting it go.

"What kind of _friend_ is she Spencer?" Derek asked, not bothering to disguise the dangerous edge in his voice.

Spencer raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. _Defensive posturing_. Derek noted. Silence stretched out between them and Derek's growing hostility rolled off him in waves.

Spencer nervously licked his lips. "Derek, I can explain-"

The bottom dropped out. The blood roared in his ears and Derek couldn't think straight. Before he realized what he was doing he was up off the couch, crowding into Spencer's personal space, glowering and snarling, "Go ahead. _Explain. _Tell me what you think you can say right now that's going to _explain _this." Derek demanded.

"I'll be more than happy to, once you back off." Spencer replied evenly.

Derek took a deep breath, tried to steady himself and backed up, allowing Spencer room to maneuver around him. "Explain." He barked.

Spencer raked a hand through his hair. "We ah, we should sit first."

"I'm fine where I am."

"Well, I'm not." Spencer snapped, throwing himself onto the sofa. He exhaled harshly and looked up at Derek. "I didn't sleep with her." He stated flatly.

Relief and disbelief warred within Derek. He wanted to believe Spencer but at the same time, every one of his instincts, both as a lover and as a profiler was telling him _something _had gone on between Spencer and Seaver.

"Why should I believe that? The way she came at me in the hospital that was more than concern for a friend or a one sided crush Spencer. She felt _entitled_ to go off on me and she was a lot of things but delusional wasn't one of them…if she had those feelings it's because _you_ did something to encourage them. So you tell me, why the fuck should I believe you?"

"Because, other than when I was…using, I've never lied to you about anything." Spencer said softly. "And because I'm not finished telling you what you want to know."

"So finish." Derek folded his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes.

Spencer ran a nervous hand along the seam in his pants. "I didn't sleep with her. But I could have. And…there were times when…I thought about it." He met Derek's eyes. "I was hurt, I was lonely, I was sick, I was scared and she was there. She was alone, alienated, afraid and we got close. She was kind and she was good to me and…she was…attracted to me –"

"And you were attracted to her." Derek spat.

"Yes." Spencer acknowledged bluntly, "I was. Ash is a-"

"Ash?" Derek seized on the nickname. "What's that about?"

"It's…Derek please-"

"Please what? Don't trip cause you up in here calling her by a pet name?"

Spencer arched an eyebrow. "You don't exactly have a lot of room to throw stones there, Derek." He pointed out.

Derek ground his teeth. "Don't even try it. You know that Penelope –"

"Is your Baby Girl." Spencer finished irritation evident in his tone.

"It's not the same thing and you damn well know it." Derek maintained.

"Of course it isn't," Spencer readily agreed. "I've never slept with Ashley. YOU on the other hand, can't say that about Penelope now can you?" He challenged.

Derek narrowed his eyes and bit back the retort on his lips. They were getting off track and Spencer may be a magician skilled in the art of misdirection, but Derek was relentless when he was goal oriented and right now, his goal was to find out exactly what had gone on between his boyfriend and their former teammate…because something sure as hell _had_ gone on, of that he was certain of and Spencer was not going to distract him.

"Long before you and I were ever a couple and Penny would NEVER do anything to try to come between us; hell she's one of YOUR biggest cheerleaders. But all that is moot because we're not talking about me and Penny right now, we're talking about you and Seaver. So talk, Spencer." Derek retorted.

"_We_ aren't talking right now." Spencer blurted out, exasperated and defensive. "You wanted and explanation and I'm trying to give you that but you keep interrupting me with hysterics and accusations. This isn't a conversation; it's a verbal water boarding! I'm attempting to have a rational discussion and you are jumping on every second syllable I utter and using it as an excuse to-"

"You just don't want to answer the question! Cut the crap and get to the god damn point, Reid!" Derek thundered.

"What do you want from me _Morgan_?" Spencer yelled back. "I admitted I was attracted to her and that I knew she was attracted to me. I admitted we got close…closer than we should have given that I'm in a relationship. And I admitted I was tempted. What more do you want from me?"

"I want the mother fucking truth! The entire truth, Spencer not that condensed version you just tried to sell me. I've known you for too long for you to try to pull the wool over my eyes Kid."

Spencer's mouth opened and shut several times before he spoke. "The entire truth, Derek? The entire truth is that you shut me down and shut me out. The entire truth is I sat here, day after day, night after night –ALONE, trying anything and everything to get you to talk to me, hell even just acknowledge me. The entire truth is that you hurt me. You bailed out on me, on us, emotionally and it fucking hurt. The entire truth is it was nice to have someone that I didn't have to beg for attention or affection-"

"Affection?" Derek pounced on the word. "What kind of affection did she give you?"

"For fucks sake Derek, really? I say all that and that's all you hear? Fine. She kissed me. I kissed her back. And, while I admit I was wrong and that was letting far too much happen, that's ALL that happened and it only happened once." Spencer exploded.

"You kissed her? You expect me to believe that's all that happened?" Derek scoffed.

"Yes, I kissed her. It could have gone further, she wanted it to go further and I…thought about it. Was tempted to, but I didn't. I happen to love you, you asshole so sleeping with someone else was out of the question." Spencer yelled.

"You love me so much you made out with our co-worker. Who I had to see, work with, fucking rely on while she smiling in my face, knowing that I was being played for a fool. You love me so much you violated my trust, our relationship, broke the promises we made-"

"So did you!" Spencer cried.

Derek balked. "That was five years ago Spencer and for you to throw it in my face now just shows how wrong you know you are."

Spencer shook his head. "I wasn't talking about Tina." He said quietly. "I was talking about when you promised to always be there for me. To always put us first. You promised, Derek. You promised anything that life threw at us we'd work through together. And then Emily…Emily died and you just…you didn't. You didn't talk to me, you didn't lean on me and you weren't there for me to talk to or lean on. I know you were hurting…I know that being there, being the last one to see her, I can't imagine what that was like for you. I can't imagine how much that hurt-how much that still hurts. But you acted like you were the only one who lost her, who failed her and you weren't."

Derek closed his eyes as the memory of Emily; broken, bleeding, begging him to let her go rose up in his mind. "You had no idea what that did to me. You're sitting here talking to me about pulling away from you, pulling away from us, but you had no idea what I was going through, what I'm still going through."

"No I don't." Spencer quickly agreed. "How could I? You wouldn't tell me. I tried giving you space, I tried begging, I tried opening the door by telling you about my feelings, I yelled, I even had your mom call you. Nothing worked! And…there was more than just Emily. My head felt like it was being blown apart, I was seeing things down in Miami, the doctors couldn't find anything wrong and I was terrified I was losing my mind right along with losing Emily AND losing you! And Ashley was there…she was there and you weren't. You didn't want to be! And I know I know I let things go too far and that's all on me but don't stand there and act like you didn't contribute the breakdown of our relationship."

Derek wanted to ram his fist through the drywall but he held back. He knew there was an element of truth in what Spencer was saying but he wasn't quite ready to cast himself in the role of anything other than injured party. "You don't get to put this on me. You betrayed me. _You betrayed me_ and now you wanna blame me for it? Hell no." Derek strode across the room and grabbed his leather jacket out of the closet.

"Derek!" Spencer's panicked voice sounded as he followed behind him. "You're too upset right now to get on your bike. Please, stay here. I- I'll leave if you need the alone time." He reached out and grabbed Derek's bicep. The older man angrily shook off the touch.

"Fine. Get out. And don't bother coming back. Not today, not tonight, maybe not ever." Derek said coldly.

Spencer's hazel eyes went wide with shock, then went blank. Derek could actually feel the moment when Spencer's shields went up and if he'd been a little less hurt and a little less angry, he might have been able to mitigate some of the damage but he was so trapped in his own righteous anger that he couldn't bring himself to care.

Spencer nodded once and disappeared into the bedroom. He came out a few moments later with his go bag. "I ah…I'm not sure where I'm going but I'll call you later and –"

"Don't bother." Derek ground out. "Right about now, I don't give a damn where you go or what you do."

Spencer's mouth snapped shut. "Fine then." He turned on his heel and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

Derek stared at the front door, half of him hoping it would swing open and Spencer would come rushing back in, the other half wanting to deadbolt it behind him so the other man could never get back in.

He went over to the couch and sat. Clooney padded over and put his head in his lap. Derek absently patted the dog's head and silently stewed. The phone rang, snapping him out of his homicidal fantasies of tracking down Seaver and Spencer and doing things that would make even the most hardened UnSub's blood run cold. Derek tried to ignore it, it wasn't his cell so it wasn't a case but it kept ringing. _Spencer He_ thought.

"What? Do you not understand what get the hell out means?" He snapped.

"Derek Anthony Morgan, have you lost your mind? That is NOT how you answer the telephone." A shocked, scandalized and slightly angry Fran Morgan admonished.

If he'd been capable of it Derek would have blushed ten different shades of red. But he wasn't so all Derek could do was wince and throw up a prayer that his mother wasn't too upset with him.

"Mama…I…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought you were someone else." He apologized.

"Someone named Spencer?" Fran asked shrewdly.

Derek sighed. "Mama…I really don't want to get into this right now."

"Too bad Baby. You clearly need your mama. Now tell me what's wrong." She gently prodded.

Derek opened his mouth to make an excuse to end the call, just as he had every other time she'd called over the last few months but when he started to speak all the feelings he'd been holding back, about Emily's lies and her death, his anger at her, at Doyle, at himself, the problems with Spencer, and what happened with Seaver all came tumbling out.

His mother was silent as she listened to it all. When he'd finally rambled to a close, over an hour later, she finally spoke. "Derek, baby you have every right to be hurt and angry but don't let that blind you and don't let that drive you to make decisions that you may well regret once you've calmed down."

"Mama! Don't tell me you're on his side." Derek moaned.

Fran chuckled. "You know I adore Spencer…but baby if I have to pick a side here, it's yours. And as someone on your side, let me tell you: I have never seen you happier than I have these last few years you've been with Spencer. And that man loves you. He made a mistake…now maybe you can't get past that but I truly believe it would be YOUR mistake not to try."

"He cheated on me, Mama." Derek whispered.

"And you cheated on him." Fran gently reminded Derek. "And he gave you a second chance. Maybe you need to ask yourself if you can do the same. I think you can and what's more, I think you want to."

"What makes you say that?" Derek asked, bewildered.

"Because baby, not once in the entire time we've been talking have you said that it's over between the two of you. Not once have you said you don't want him in your life anymore. And as someone who's fielded her fair share of "that bastard cheated on me" calls from girlfriends, my sisters, and YOUR sisters…let me tell you the absence of those things speaks volumes." Fran said.

"You think I should forgive him?"

"I think only you know if you can. I think though, you need to think about whether your life will be better if Spencer isn't in it. If you think it will, try your best to part as friends. If you think it won't, try your best to find a way to move past this."

Derek knew his mother was right. He also knew he didn't need to think about it. He didn't forgive Spencer, he wasn't even sure he could and he didn't see himself forgetting anytime soon, but when he looked at his future, every mental picture he conjured up the skinny genius in it.

"What if I can't?" He whispered.

"Then you can't." Fran said. "But if you want him and want what you have…baby then at the very least you should try. Even if you find that the pain is too deep and the betrayal too great, you'll walk away knowing you did everything you could to salvage what you had. It'll be a cold comfort, but a comfort nonetheless."

"Thank you Mama. I love you." Derek said.

"I love you too baby. And when you see Spencer, tell him I'm going to spank his wayward behind for hurting my baby, and then give him a kiss from me."

Derek laughed softly. "Will do. Talk to you soon Mama. Tell the girls I said hi."

"Of course baby. Talk to you later."

Once his mother rang off, Derek hung up the phone. He buried his face in Clooney's fur and had a long cry. He cried for Emily, for his team, for himself. He cried for Spencer and for their relationship and he cried because it was costing him too much not to. When he was finished he felt an odd sense of peace. He reached for his cell and hit speed dial two.

"Derek? I um…I didn't expect to hear to from you." The surprise in Spencer's voice was evident, even over the phone.

"I didn't expect to be calling, but then I got a phone call-" Derek began.

"Is there a case? Are you ok? Oh god, is your mother ok? Is my mother ok? What happened?" Spencer went from curious to panic in half a second and Derek couldn't suppress a chuckle.

"No Pretty Boy, everyone's fine. Well, as fine as can be. Except for me and you. We're not fine and I can't deal with that."

Spencer was quiet for a long time. "Derek…why did you call me?"

Derek sighed. "I called because as angry as I am, as hurt as I am, as much as we have to work through…I love you. And we'll never get to where we need to be if I'm here and you're …wherever you are. Come home Spencer. Come home and let's try and sort this out. I can't promise you anything, other than I'm gonna try to move past this."

Spencer was silent for a beat. "I'm at JJ's. I ah, I'll be home in half an hour. And…Derek, I love you. I know we have a lot to work through and it won't be easy but…you're worth it. We're worth it. I want you, and I'm sorry. I don't know if I can ever apologize enough. I'm so sorry but I want us and I'm willing to do anything for us."

Derek gripped the phone tightly. "Me too, Pretty Boy. I'm pissed and I'm hurt but I love you and I love us, too much not to try and fix what was broken." He was quiet for a minute, then added, "What I helped break."

Spencer cleared his throat. "I ah…I know that wasn't easy for you. I ah, I'll be home soon ok? I love you, I love you so much."

Derek nodded, and then felt foolish when he realized Spencer couldn't see him. "I love you too. See you soon."

As he hung up Derek knew he and Spencer had a tough road ahead of them and he wasn't sure how things would play out. What he was sure of was that anything worth having was worth fighting for and he'd never given up on anything in his life and he wasn't about to start with Spencer.

As his eyes slid to Ashley's letter, forgotten on the kitchen table, he thought about Elle and Gideon, L.D.S.K's and hostage situations, Vegas and Chicago, William Reid and Carl Buford, Anthrax and the Prince of Darkness, Haley, Foyet, Emily and Doyle and told himself that he and Spencer could get through this mess with Seaver. After all, they had gotten through worse.

* * *

><p>Fun fact: Joe Mantegna, who portrays David Rossi, has been involved with the National Memorial Day Concert since 2002, first as a performer, but has shared co-hosting duties with Gary Sinise (Mac Taylor CSI-New York) since 2005. Just another reason Joe M. is made of win (as if I needed any more reason to think he's awesome).<p> 


End file.
